Susannah Fontaine-Williams

Herein contains a synopsis of the story so far with links to each post in the Susannah-Fontaine Williams epic. Warning: Spoilers!

Susannah Fontaine-Williams is the host of the fourth most-watched afternoon talk show in the land. She first appears as an afterthought in a story about a bombing victim and her war-damaged boyfriend. Later, she is shopping with a boyfriend for a bag to meet her capacious carrying needs. This leads her to Chinatown and a shop and a bag that is somehow capable of carrying more than its dimensions would seemingly allow. Shortly thereafter it becomes necessary to defend SFW’s honor and proclaim my innocence. Susannah gets to try out the bag before buying it, and when she decides she must have it discovers that there may be some strings attached.

She signs a license agreement and, in the company of a boyfriend, gets into some of the details of the 40-page document. She begins to posit on just what the bag can do for her, and tests whether or not  electronic security tags will work on items stuffed in her bag illicitly.

In this chapter, we learn a little about Walt, the bag’s inventor and about the bag’s interior workings. Macallan, a store detective, enters the story and confronts Susannah Fontaine-Williams outside the store.

Susannah travels to Greece for her seasonal tryst with Bob, who may or may not exist. There’s just no telling. Next, she meets a billionaire who offers her a ride on his yacht to the ancient island of Delos. Coincidentally, Macallan is taking a ferry to that same island with his stunning wife, Alethia. Susannah and her billionaire guide, Tassos, tour Delos and Tassos leads her to a hidden well where he reveals his true plan for her. The billionaire feels the need to explain himself, which gives SFW the chance to set in motion a plan of her own.

Does good triumph over evil? Regardless, we have the specter of SFW standing momentarily naked among the ruins, appealing to the baser interests of his limited readership. Shaken, she returns to Mykonos on the 8:00 ferry and decides to tell all to her good buddy Macallan and his alluring and intelligent wife, Alethia.

A few plot holes are plugged after which SFW returns to America, slightly sunburned and in need of a good long nap. Meanwhile Walt turns out to be a voyeur and decides to confront Susannah at the airport. Back at the lab, Walt shows Susannah some of his other creations. A hapless man buys a decongestant and has his own run-in with the law as a result. Walt races Susannah to the hospital and calls Macallan. Mac, Bob, the triplets, Claritin man and Susannah converge in the hospital suite.

Walt has lunch and tries adjusting the bag back at the lab. SFW checks out and hosts a panel discussion on climate change. Once back at the lab, Walt tries making adjustments to the bag which responds by assaulting him and SFW befriends a dog. Then there’s an epilog which seems to be out of place.

And then the author, after 9 months of saying nothing, dumps SFW on a beach. Then there’s Leibowitz and that nagging cough and his Saab and we’re introduced to Jen, a peripheral character at best, though she does have a conscience. The story veers into a brief but thoroughly made up history of the Canal Street Subway line, which enthusiasts of faux history shouldn’t miss. There’s an explosion and maybe it’s the end and maybe it isn’t, but the author has backed himself into a corner and hasn’t worked out what happens next.

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