Tag Archives: onions

Famous Persons Summer Solstice Dinner Dance

The below-mentioned fox.

Congratulations Famous Person,

If you’ve received this invitation, you’re famous and therefore a fabulous individual. Each year, my wife Blech and I host a Summer Solstice Dinner Dance for Famous Persons. This coming June 21 is the inaugural event, and, since you’re famous, we’d love to have you and your famous plus one. We find that famous people are simply more interesting than rest of us, and that’s why you’re invited. You’re famous! And again, congratulations on your well-deserved fame. 

Now, full disclosure, we are pre-famous, which gives you a ground-floor opportunity to get to know us before everyone else does. However, due to our famous anonymity, we never know just who is going to show up. Therefore, dinner is potluck. Bring whatever you’d like (Blech will be whipping up her indelible artisanal onions), and lots of it. Whatever doesn’t get eaten will be left for the local wildlife. There’s a fox who passes through the garden once or twice a day, and deer. Lots of deer, but I think they’re mostly vegetarian. The wolves keep them under control, fortunately, so you don’t have to worry about bringing food for them.

There will be dancing under the stars, and lots of it. However, please remember to bring at least one musician. We’re never sure who’s going to show up, or how many, so it’d be absurd for us to supply musicians when you, our famous (and rich) guest can just bring one of your struggling but talented musician friends. Check with us first. One year, we had seven alto trombonists and a triangle player. What a strange trio that was, but we made the best of it and had a great time anyway. That triangle-ist could really jam!

We greatly anticipate your r.s.v.p. 

-Antoine and Blech Enzyme

Artisanal Onion Products

It has been 14 days since my last post, and 18 since giving up passive news intake. There have been a few news leaks, but the break from information has made what does slip through seem more like snippets of a Margaret Atwood novel than news of current events. I love Margaret Atwood as much as the calm feeling that all is well and we do not live in one of her worlds.

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Artisan Onions (view from our basement window)

Good news: I’ve finally had the time to fulfill my lifelong dream of starting a small-batch, basement-made, Artisanal Onion™ line of products. These are available for purchase just in time for the annual International Major Religious Holiday Day.

Order for that someone special by midnight tonight and receive it in time for, if not any of the upcoming holidays, some future holiday or another.

Still in stock, we have holiday-themed Batch 33 Onion Cologne, Batch 142 Onion Body Wash, and Original Batch Classic Onion Breath Mints. Made in America. Get yours now!